Make the days count.

it's like.. for the first time. i'm scared of tomorrow. like i don't want it to happen. it's making me cry.  i'm losing my self-esteem. and.. all of this is because of work.

i am new in this line. i am new in the working world.  everything that i study is actually becoming reality only harder and tougher than reading from texts. its so much different. i have to face the big shots tomorrow to explain a procedure that i have to take.  and.. i don't even really know what i'm doing cus i'm just about to understand the process myself.  how in the world i'm gonna explain to them.  its just reading can make me understand but applying after reading- actually doing it is different.  it's cramping my brain.  i am so blardy worried here you know.  i cried. i really cried.

i gather my courage to speak to dad.  dad, please help me.  give me words of encouragement, please.  tell me not to be afraid.  tell me that i can face this.  tell me, that i can do it. 


he said that in life, it has to be happening.  you must have confidence in whatever you do.  truth to yourself is the easiest way to solve your problems.  he said that if it is going to be my first time doing this, then tell them that it is my first time explaining this as well.  if there is anything wrong, please do not blame me and that i am still learning.  i could have chosen to call a colleague who  knows better about this task but since she isn't involved, and i am in the position here, it's better that i challenge myself to be present and do the explaining.  after all, at the end of the day, we're all going to learn something.  and yes, he told me not to be afraid cus we're all just human.  and the only difference which may apply is their experience in working.  he said that it is alright, just put a risk in my contract.  at the end of the day, he asked me not to forget everything that i learn. he really gave me strength.

and when i am facing a one-to-one review, just remember all events that has happened and how i overcome it. if i have a good leader, i will absolutely be a good follower.  if i am questioned by the director, i will asked her on what basis has she reviewed me under.  i know the rest. thanks dad, i love you.

last of all, don't forget Allah. syukur alhamdulillah.